Geez. It’s been pretty bad. In an effort to be positive, I can say that by ATTEMPTING to fast, I’ve eaten more healthy food than I would have otherwise. But I’ve also eaten nearly every unhealthy food that has crossed my path. Social situations are just impossible. Given my (improving but still extremely fragile) emotional state, I have no willpower to resist when someone else wants to feed me. It can be a full meal at a friend’s house, snacks at a play date, party food, or free coffee at the grocery store- if someone is offering me nourishment, it’s hard to turn down. It’s a totally ridiculous emotional thing.
And remember my plan to liquid fast sunup to sundown on Wednesdays? Yeah. I did, too. When I got to church at 7pm Wednesday night. Oops.
The prayer part of all this “prayer and fasting” has been incredibly productive. Proof of God’s grace, I suppose. Even as I am totally screwing up my eating plan, He remains faithful to meet me in prayer and gently guide me to grow in other areas. That growth has been emotionally taxing at times, and might be a factor in my failures with the fast. It’s all a process, so I have to give myself grace, too.
Besides, it hasn’t been ALL bad. Here’s some of the healthy stuff I’ve been eating.
My friend’s husband juices every day when he comes home for lunch. I love it when our play dates coincide with his lunch hour. I don’t know what’s in it, but it’s super healthy and super delicious.
Breakfasts have generally been really easy to stick to the paleo plan. Protein, fruit, done. I’ve started soaking my hard boiled eggs in raw sauerkraut juice. Not sure if I’m getting more of the good probiotics this way, but it makes the eggs nice and salty. And it’s a great use for the probiotic rich liquid that’s left when we finish off the jar of kraut.
Italian sausage and peppers. I keep a bag of this in the freezer for a quick dinner in the skillet. Organic Italian sausage, bell peppers, garlic, onion, and herbs like basil, oregano, thyme, and Rosemary. Sometimes I have random leftovers of grass-fed hotdogs or uncured pepperoni that I’ll chop up and throw in the bag. Couldn’t be easier.
Another typical breakfast. Scrambled eggs with herbs. Finally got hooked back up with our “egg gypsy” so these are local, pastured, free-range, NOT pasteurized, etc. All the good things that come from getting eggs from someone’s back yard.
Paleo chili with grass-fed beef heart. I won’t go into the health benefits of eating organ meat, but there are many. And no one has been able to taste it in this chili. I top it off with a mound of sauerkraut instead of sour cream or cheese.
Praying for strength to balance my need for emotional nourishment with nutritional nourishment. Or to separate one from the other. Sometimes, I seem to need the fellowship more than the nutrients. We have a birthday party to go to in a few hours, and dinner with a friend tonight. Praying for guidance and discernment so that I can stay within God’s plan for my healing- whatever that may be.